Oh, my. We really need some faith.
All of us live and work by faith to some degree. We stop at red lights and then go when it turns green, because we have a measure of faith that the other traffic will stop. When a police car flashes the blue and red lights behind us, we pull over, because we have a measure of faith that the police officer is indeed a good guy, and won't hurt us. But this is natural faith. In this adoption process, that natural faith is simply not enough. God is calling me to a supernatural faith.
Our pastor preached on this last Sunday and I wanted to process it more and share it with you. When it was time for the Israelites to enter the promised land (the first time), Moses and all the people were standing on a high place, overlooking the land. (See Deuteronomy 1:19-21). They looked out and Moses said that this is the land "which the Lord our God is giving us....Go up and take possession of it."
Lets be clear on something. The command to go and take possession of the land meant, "go and fight and take the land from the people who are there." God was going to empower them, fight for them, do the heavy lifting so to speak, but they still had their job to do. They had to go, walking in faith.
At the end of that passage, Moses says "Do not be afraid or discouraged." Why would he need to say that? Because what was in front of them could strike fear and discouragement in their hearts. If they didn't have faith.
Then, all the people wanted to go and scout out the land before they went into it. That seemed like a good idea to Moses (v.23). I mean, who wouldn't want to get a good look at what the future entails. Who wouldn't want to see which hills they would have to climb, or which river they would have to cross? But, what happened? Even though they saw the "good land" in verse 25, the people, based on apparent circumstances (giant men, fortified cities, etc) became afraid. They refused to walk in faith.
After all the miracles they had seen, after the plagues, the sparing of their firstborn, the parting of the sea, the destruction of Pharaoh's army...verse 32 of chapter 1 says "But in spite of this you did not trust the Lord your God." Side note: more information does not always have a positive affect on our faith.
We are at this point in our adoption journey. We are looking out over where we are supposed to go, and we see giants and fortifications. Governments and laws and men who refuse to help and sickness for our son. We see no natural way that this is going to happen. And we have seen the miracles that God has done to bring us to this point. We are at a crossroads...we will choose faith, or will we choose fear?
Moses chose faith, the Israelites chose fear. And then, when they saw the consequences of that, they decided to fight! The problem was, that their faith at that point wasn't in God, but in their presumption, and they went ahead in their own power and were completely defeated. You see, faith isn't simply "going" and "doing", but it is dependence and obedience. In trusting, not in any natural method, but in the Lord.
Hebrews 11:27 says that Moses "persevered as one who sees Him who is invisible." Often times we want faith, but we aren't face to face with our God. Moses chose faith because he was face to face with God. For me to choose faith, I must trust HIM. I trust Him because I know Him. I know Him by learning about Him, choosing to obey Him, and experiencing His trustworthiness. The more I am face to face with Him, the easier choosing faith becomes. In Moses's mind, the land was already theirs! God had already given it to them!
Joseph is already ours. The Lord has already given him to us. We really don't know what is ahead. From the little scouting that we've been able to do, things look pretty scary. Pretty impossible. But God is saying to us "don't be afraid or discouraged!" And we must choose to put our faith, not in some natural method to get our son home, but in God!
With all the news coming from the Department of States, from the embassy, from people on the ground in the DRC, from the adoption agency, it is very easy to be blown all over the place. One minute ecstatic and hopeful, one minute in total despair. But our feet are firmly planted. We are firmly planted by faith. We will not doubt. We will not be blown around. Because our God is a firm foundation! And HE will NOT be moved!
Our faith is in a sovereign God, not in the outcome.
If you've read this far, it would be worth it to read a little further. Here is a quote from a book called Trusting God by Jerry Bridges: "We can learn God's will for our character intellectually through reading and studying the Scriptures - and we should do that. That is where change begins as our minds are renewed. But real change - down in the depth of our souls - is produced as the tenets of Scripture are worked out in real life. This usually involves adversity. We may admire and even desire the character trait of patience, but we will never learn patience until we have been treated unjustly and learn experientially to "suffer long" (the meaning of patience) the one who treats us unjustly."
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
I Hate Toys...So I Did Something Drastic
Ok, I really don't hate toys. I actually like toys a whole lot! I like the idea of my kids having cool stuff and getting to play with neat things. I hate cleaning up toys. I've actually blogged about this before, because toys and the small parts and the things all over the place drive me crazy.
During our boot camp, I noticed that cleaning up large messes is hard for children. Obvious, right? But seriously, when there are a lot of toys, there is a large mess. At least in my house. EVERY time a kid comes to my house to play, all the toys get dumped out, a couple get played with, and we have to either battle with our kids for a couple of hours to get it all cleaned up, or I end up taking 40 minutes of my time to clean it up myself.
And then I did something drastic: I read a blog.
And then I did something else drastic. I took almost all of my children's toys out of their rooms.
First, let me show you the pile of things that we took out. I am going to show it to you from a couple of different angles so you get a really good idea of how much my children had stored away in closets, under beds, in boxes, on shelves.
This is really sickening for me. No wonder my kids act spoiled! No wonder they have a hard time cleaning up! I would, too, if I had all that stuff to deal with! This is a problem 8 years and 3 children in the making. We are not crazy toy buyers! We pretty much limit toys to birthdays and Christmas, and Brandon and I usually only get them a few things! And then there are birthday parties, and grandparents. (Thank you, Grandparents, for always thinking of my kids and being so generous with them! I'm not complaining!)
But, enough of all that stuff. Its depressing. The good news is that my kids are TOTALLY ok with how we have changed things up! Let me tell you what we told them: We are taking things out of their rooms so that they have an easier time cleaning up. That's it. They were all for it. They helped me!
So, I took some after photos today after we had some dear friends (with children) over last night. This is messy for them, now. I did not clean up their rooms before I took these photos. Basically, since we did this on Saturday morning, cleaning up their rooms has been a total breeze! Plus, my kids played for like 4 hours with their friends in their rooms with the few toys that we left, and they were FINE! And they were creative! And didn't make a ginormous mess!
So here are the after photos:
What am I going to do with all of this stuff? This week I am going to work, sorting it into piles of things to keep (in boxes high on shelves for the kids to request to play with), things that the kids agree to sell, and things that the kids agree to give away. The money that they make selling their toys will be their money, so I'm hoping that motivates them to get rid of things that might otherwise keep.
The next problem is this: How are we going to keep this from happening again? Well, we are making a no toy gift policy. We are explaining this to the grandparents. For birthdays, Christmas, etc, they can either receive money, or excursions, or events, but not toys. Any toys they themselves plan for and buy, are the only ones I want. And I hope to keep a "one in, one out" process going.
Our weekly mission (an extension of our Boot Camp) is to keep a focus on our morning routine: Get up, make bed, get dressed, pick up the floor. They have been doing it for the most part, but I am still having to remind. That will stop this week. :)
The only thing left to write is that I am super excited about this step in our little journey. I wanted to post more details about the results of the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp, but I thought this was more pressing. I'll get to that, I'm sure.
By the way, if you want to receive the blogs I write in your e-mail, just use the little "Subscribe via e-mail" box on the right. I won't spam you, I promise!
During our boot camp, I noticed that cleaning up large messes is hard for children. Obvious, right? But seriously, when there are a lot of toys, there is a large mess. At least in my house. EVERY time a kid comes to my house to play, all the toys get dumped out, a couple get played with, and we have to either battle with our kids for a couple of hours to get it all cleaned up, or I end up taking 40 minutes of my time to clean it up myself.
And then I did something drastic: I read a blog.
And then I did something else drastic. I took almost all of my children's toys out of their rooms.
First, let me show you the pile of things that we took out. I am going to show it to you from a couple of different angles so you get a really good idea of how much my children had stored away in closets, under beds, in boxes, on shelves.
This is really sickening for me. No wonder my kids act spoiled! No wonder they have a hard time cleaning up! I would, too, if I had all that stuff to deal with! This is a problem 8 years and 3 children in the making. We are not crazy toy buyers! We pretty much limit toys to birthdays and Christmas, and Brandon and I usually only get them a few things! And then there are birthday parties, and grandparents. (Thank you, Grandparents, for always thinking of my kids and being so generous with them! I'm not complaining!)
 |
| There is a train table under there which gives the pile some height. |
But, enough of all that stuff. Its depressing. The good news is that my kids are TOTALLY ok with how we have changed things up! Let me tell you what we told them: We are taking things out of their rooms so that they have an easier time cleaning up. That's it. They were all for it. They helped me!
So, I took some after photos today after we had some dear friends (with children) over last night. This is messy for them, now. I did not clean up their rooms before I took these photos. Basically, since we did this on Saturday morning, cleaning up their rooms has been a total breeze! Plus, my kids played for like 4 hours with their friends in their rooms with the few toys that we left, and they were FINE! And they were creative! And didn't make a ginormous mess!
So here are the after photos:
 |
| Sorry this is blurry...but you get the idea |
 |
| Look at that HUGE mess! hehe |
 |
| Beds were made, but then there was a nap. |
The next problem is this: How are we going to keep this from happening again? Well, we are making a no toy gift policy. We are explaining this to the grandparents. For birthdays, Christmas, etc, they can either receive money, or excursions, or events, but not toys. Any toys they themselves plan for and buy, are the only ones I want. And I hope to keep a "one in, one out" process going.
Our weekly mission (an extension of our Boot Camp) is to keep a focus on our morning routine: Get up, make bed, get dressed, pick up the floor. They have been doing it for the most part, but I am still having to remind. That will stop this week. :)
The only thing left to write is that I am super excited about this step in our little journey. I wanted to post more details about the results of the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp, but I thought this was more pressing. I'll get to that, I'm sure.
By the way, if you want to receive the blogs I write in your e-mail, just use the little "Subscribe via e-mail" box on the right. I won't spam you, I promise!
Friday, March 28, 2014
The Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp: Day 5
We are almost finished with our boot camp. This doesn't mean that we are finished training. It means that next week we will start normal school, and we will lessen our training to a weekly goal. This week wasn't at all what I expected, but we have seen some incredible results. I will post more on that tomorrow.
Today, we have LittleK with us all day. LittleK normally goes to preschool (in order to learn Spanish) 3 mornings a week to a WONDERFUL Montessori school where he washes his own dishes, cuts tomatoes with a real knife, and a host of other things. So he has missed out on a lot of the training that we have done. So, today I will be using the older children to help me train him. I think that will be very effective, as that little guy sometimes listens better to his siblings than to me!
We did NOT play the Quiet Game as much as I wanted, so the big kids can only sit still for 5 minutes (at least as far as we've tested) and LittleK needs WAY more practice with that, so today, we will being doing that.
Code Word Calling has been SUPER effective, but the problem is that I sometimes forget to use the code word. I need as much practice with that as the kids to. So, we will set up several artificial Code Word Callings, so that they can practice stopping whatever they are doing to come right away. I sort of feel dorky yelling "CHEETAH" off the balcony at my children, but then again, they really respond well to it, so who cares. Plus, I don't have much of a voice because of this cold.
Meal times are going much better with manners (at least with the older two), but I don't think practicing outside of meal times will help much, so we are just going to be super on them when we sit down to eat.
I never made it outside yesterday to practice speaking with adults because I took a nap instead (we're going to blame it on the cold), but we had a dinner guest last night and the kids did really well. After that, I know we need to work on the Interrupting Game A LOT, but not just with hand signals, also with just practicing listening. I have never met a child who NEVER interrupts, so I think this is a long term goal.
A comment on an earlier post this week talked about a little script that this particular family uses to remind of obedience (that isn't nagging) and I love it! We have done something similar in the past, but this one is longer, and I tried it yesterday and it seems to give the kid some time to think through his response. We changed it up a tiny bit to fit us, but basically it goes like this:
When a child isn't obeying, or is complaining, or ignoring, etc)
Me: What is obeying?
Kid: Doing what you say, when you say it, with a respectful attitude.
Me: When do we obey?
Kid: First time.
Me: How do we obey?
Kid: Without complaint
Me: What do choices have?
Kid: Consequences
Me: What do good choices have?
Kid: Good consequences
(and I've been leaving it at that, even though I taught them "What do bad choices have?" "Bad consequences", but I am assuming that they will make a good choice, which goes a long way toward how they will act!)
Anyway, we are going to be adding this, as it also calms me down when I start getting frustrated with disobedience. I have a script which we have taught in advance.
Let me say this: We do not believe that children should be controlled by their parents. We have come to this after a lot of trial and error with our kids, a lot of reading books, being instructed by other parents, and by taking parenting classes. We are not "obey simply because I said so" people for the most part. We do believe in choices and consequences and discipline, but not in an authoritarian sense. Hence the training. We are doing this to create habits and associations. We've only been doing this parenting thing for 8 years, so we have a lot to learn, but in those 8 years we've learned that, at least with a couple of our kids, expecting immediate obedience with no dissent at all times followed by a harsh discipline (spanking, solitary confinement, etc) doesn't work all that well. And the goal isn't to have perfectly little obedient children. The goal is to have self controlled, wise, Jesus loving, understanding adults. This is contrary to much of the Christian parenting we've observed/been taught, but with our "method" if you can call it that, we feel like we are teaching our children to understand how to offer dissent respectfully, how to reason through actions, how to create habits, and how to treat real authority. Please know that I am NOT claiming to be an expert, and we are probably doing something "wrong," but God's grace is bigger than our parenting mistakes! Haha!
And one thing I've learned over the last 8 years: There is no one right way to raise children. I know wonderful adults who were spanked, wonderful adults who were not. I know wonderful adults who's parents used time outs, and ones who's parents wouldn't dream of isolating their children. What I've learned is that discipline is love and that the Word of God offers little in terms of methodology, and a ton in terms of motivation. :) So, walk in grace, parents, and love your children well! And know that the Father and Creator of the Universe is with you, guiding you and giving all wisdom!
And "wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and not hypocritical." James 3:17
Today, we have LittleK with us all day. LittleK normally goes to preschool (in order to learn Spanish) 3 mornings a week to a WONDERFUL Montessori school where he washes his own dishes, cuts tomatoes with a real knife, and a host of other things. So he has missed out on a lot of the training that we have done. So, today I will be using the older children to help me train him. I think that will be very effective, as that little guy sometimes listens better to his siblings than to me!
We did NOT play the Quiet Game as much as I wanted, so the big kids can only sit still for 5 minutes (at least as far as we've tested) and LittleK needs WAY more practice with that, so today, we will being doing that.
Code Word Calling has been SUPER effective, but the problem is that I sometimes forget to use the code word. I need as much practice with that as the kids to. So, we will set up several artificial Code Word Callings, so that they can practice stopping whatever they are doing to come right away. I sort of feel dorky yelling "CHEETAH" off the balcony at my children, but then again, they really respond well to it, so who cares. Plus, I don't have much of a voice because of this cold.
Meal times are going much better with manners (at least with the older two), but I don't think practicing outside of meal times will help much, so we are just going to be super on them when we sit down to eat.
I never made it outside yesterday to practice speaking with adults because I took a nap instead (we're going to blame it on the cold), but we had a dinner guest last night and the kids did really well. After that, I know we need to work on the Interrupting Game A LOT, but not just with hand signals, also with just practicing listening. I have never met a child who NEVER interrupts, so I think this is a long term goal.
A comment on an earlier post this week talked about a little script that this particular family uses to remind of obedience (that isn't nagging) and I love it! We have done something similar in the past, but this one is longer, and I tried it yesterday and it seems to give the kid some time to think through his response. We changed it up a tiny bit to fit us, but basically it goes like this:
When a child isn't obeying, or is complaining, or ignoring, etc)
Me: What is obeying?
Kid: Doing what you say, when you say it, with a respectful attitude.
Me: When do we obey?
Kid: First time.
Me: How do we obey?
Kid: Without complaint
Me: What do choices have?
Kid: Consequences
Me: What do good choices have?
Kid: Good consequences
(and I've been leaving it at that, even though I taught them "What do bad choices have?" "Bad consequences", but I am assuming that they will make a good choice, which goes a long way toward how they will act!)
Anyway, we are going to be adding this, as it also calms me down when I start getting frustrated with disobedience. I have a script which we have taught in advance.
Let me say this: We do not believe that children should be controlled by their parents. We have come to this after a lot of trial and error with our kids, a lot of reading books, being instructed by other parents, and by taking parenting classes. We are not "obey simply because I said so" people for the most part. We do believe in choices and consequences and discipline, but not in an authoritarian sense. Hence the training. We are doing this to create habits and associations. We've only been doing this parenting thing for 8 years, so we have a lot to learn, but in those 8 years we've learned that, at least with a couple of our kids, expecting immediate obedience with no dissent at all times followed by a harsh discipline (spanking, solitary confinement, etc) doesn't work all that well. And the goal isn't to have perfectly little obedient children. The goal is to have self controlled, wise, Jesus loving, understanding adults. This is contrary to much of the Christian parenting we've observed/been taught, but with our "method" if you can call it that, we feel like we are teaching our children to understand how to offer dissent respectfully, how to reason through actions, how to create habits, and how to treat real authority. Please know that I am NOT claiming to be an expert, and we are probably doing something "wrong," but God's grace is bigger than our parenting mistakes! Haha!
And one thing I've learned over the last 8 years: There is no one right way to raise children. I know wonderful adults who were spanked, wonderful adults who were not. I know wonderful adults who's parents used time outs, and ones who's parents wouldn't dream of isolating their children. What I've learned is that discipline is love and that the Word of God offers little in terms of methodology, and a ton in terms of motivation. :) So, walk in grace, parents, and love your children well! And know that the Father and Creator of the Universe is with you, guiding you and giving all wisdom!
And "wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and not hypocritical." James 3:17
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp: Day 4
Yesterday was MUCH better! I have discovered something about myself during this. I am a little lazy! I never would have said that about myself before. I mean, I can ALWAYS act lazy at any given time, but I've always considered myself a very hard worker. But, I'm sort of having a hard time sticking to the plan everyday, because, well, I'm a little lazy. That, and a little bored. Plus, LittleK is in preschool in the mornings, and he needs the training more than anyone, and he's missing most of it. I'm going to have to remedy that.
Here are some specifics: So yesterday we did the Messy Scavenger hunt. That went super well, and we talked about how easy it is to get a job done when we just focus and work hard for a short time. I gave them a blow pop at the end. Then, a little bit later I asked them to pick up a mess, and GirlM asked for a blow pop as a reward! Backfire! Augh! This is why I generally don't like rewards for expected behavior.
Then, there was a small mess last night that I asked BoyD to clean up, and I could tell he really had no plan to do it, so I asked, "Do you think you've had enough training to get this done, or do we need to do some more?" He just nodded and immediately went to work. This is MAJOR improvement!
We had some friends stop by yesterday to take BoyD to baseball, and he had the opportunity to greet the man. His first reaction was to be shy and walk away and ignore, but when prompted, he turned around, looked the man in the eye, and gave some mumbled response because he wasn't sure what to say. He then came into the kitchen and asked "What would have been a good thing to say?" That tells me he is trying, and that we need more practice with all that.
So, here is today's plan of action. I'm REALLY going to try hard to stick to it:
This morning before LittleK goes to school: Code Word Calling, and "TIME TO GO"
Breakfasts are difficult when he goes to school, so I'm gonna do my best to enforce bottoms in chairs, napkins in laps, etc. If it doesn't really go well, then we will practice when I get home from taking the little one.
I've discovered another problem that we have, and that is coming in the house after we've been gone. The children tend to scatter to the far ends of the house and we end up hollering a lot to get everyone back together. So, at least with the older kids, we are going to practice like 10 times, getting out of the car, and following some set of instructions when they get in the house. "Walk straight in and wash hands and sit at the table." "Walk straight in and sit on the couch." "Walk straight in and head upstairs to your bedrooms."
We are going to play the Quiet Game for 6, 7, 8 minutes (we're a little behind on that one)
Around lunch time, we're going to walk around the block and visit a couple of friends and practice greeting and speaking with adults.
We need to have another Messy Scavenger with LittleK around, as well as several rounds of the Interrupting game. My littlest one has a REALLY hard time waiting if he wants to talk to me or ask me a question. I think practicing when he isn't dying to tell me something, might help give him some tools to keep him from getting so frustrated.
I've pinpointed some of the reasons that I've struggled with this training in the past. When I am totally "there" and involved with the kids, there with body, mind, spirit, focused on them, it works better (seems obvious, right), but if I'm distracted, talking on the phone, answering an e-mail, visiting with a friend, trying to clean my room, ANYTHING that has my attention, they kids feel like they don't have to obey. They aren't motivated to do what we've practiced. They know I'm not going to notice immediately if they get distracted or just ignore me. I'm not sure how to remedy this. Any thoughts on this are welcome.
Ok, to see descriptions of each of the games that we are playing, see the post from Day 1.
Here are some specifics: So yesterday we did the Messy Scavenger hunt. That went super well, and we talked about how easy it is to get a job done when we just focus and work hard for a short time. I gave them a blow pop at the end. Then, a little bit later I asked them to pick up a mess, and GirlM asked for a blow pop as a reward! Backfire! Augh! This is why I generally don't like rewards for expected behavior.
Then, there was a small mess last night that I asked BoyD to clean up, and I could tell he really had no plan to do it, so I asked, "Do you think you've had enough training to get this done, or do we need to do some more?" He just nodded and immediately went to work. This is MAJOR improvement!
We had some friends stop by yesterday to take BoyD to baseball, and he had the opportunity to greet the man. His first reaction was to be shy and walk away and ignore, but when prompted, he turned around, looked the man in the eye, and gave some mumbled response because he wasn't sure what to say. He then came into the kitchen and asked "What would have been a good thing to say?" That tells me he is trying, and that we need more practice with all that.
So, here is today's plan of action. I'm REALLY going to try hard to stick to it:
This morning before LittleK goes to school: Code Word Calling, and "TIME TO GO"
Breakfasts are difficult when he goes to school, so I'm gonna do my best to enforce bottoms in chairs, napkins in laps, etc. If it doesn't really go well, then we will practice when I get home from taking the little one.
I've discovered another problem that we have, and that is coming in the house after we've been gone. The children tend to scatter to the far ends of the house and we end up hollering a lot to get everyone back together. So, at least with the older kids, we are going to practice like 10 times, getting out of the car, and following some set of instructions when they get in the house. "Walk straight in and wash hands and sit at the table." "Walk straight in and sit on the couch." "Walk straight in and head upstairs to your bedrooms."
We are going to play the Quiet Game for 6, 7, 8 minutes (we're a little behind on that one)
Around lunch time, we're going to walk around the block and visit a couple of friends and practice greeting and speaking with adults.
We need to have another Messy Scavenger with LittleK around, as well as several rounds of the Interrupting game. My littlest one has a REALLY hard time waiting if he wants to talk to me or ask me a question. I think practicing when he isn't dying to tell me something, might help give him some tools to keep him from getting so frustrated.
I've pinpointed some of the reasons that I've struggled with this training in the past. When I am totally "there" and involved with the kids, there with body, mind, spirit, focused on them, it works better (seems obvious, right), but if I'm distracted, talking on the phone, answering an e-mail, visiting with a friend, trying to clean my room, ANYTHING that has my attention, they kids feel like they don't have to obey. They aren't motivated to do what we've practiced. They know I'm not going to notice immediately if they get distracted or just ignore me. I'm not sure how to remedy this. Any thoughts on this are welcome.
Ok, to see descriptions of each of the games that we are playing, see the post from Day 1.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp: Day 3
Yesterday, the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp was more like a torture camp.
It was a disaster. I mean, we did very little of the fun, sweet, cute games that I had planned, and I did a lot of getting frustrated and yelling. So, I get the bad mom award for the day! I ended up trying to get some "work" done around the house. For some closure for me, I wanted to get the crib out of the boys' room, seeing as BabyJ won't be coming home to us until he is over 2. That was probably too emotional of a chore for me to do. Also, we are having a bazaar at church to raise money to put in a nursery, and we are supposed to take stuff to donate for them to sell. I thought, for boot camp, I'll just put the kids to work helping me sort though stuff, etc! Bad idea number two. The kids were WAY more interested in playing with the stuff that I was trying to get rid of. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was irritated, and the kids were, too. BoyD had to rehang up his pants on hangers like 4 times because he would just stop working and sit there and stare into space. So, I would take all the pants he had hung up so far and take them back off, saying he needed practice. Boy, the games from Day 1 worked so much better.
But, God is so gracious and His mercies are new every morning and I get to start over today! I got to tie some strings with my kiddos last night and apologize for yelling at my daughter when she kept trying to pack "goodie" bags with (what I consider) trash for street children. I kept telling her that we don't know any street children, and even if we did, they wouldn't want old wipes and chewed up toys in an old bottle carrier! Oh, the shame. Now, let me say that even though her heart is SUPER big and she was trying super hard to be thoughtful, I had told her to throw that stuff away! Ok...I digress. There is no excuse for ever yelling at my kids...unless they are about to run in front of a car or something...but that wasn't what was going on. Oh, how I wish I was that mother that never yelled at her kids. Is there such a mother? Maybe I don't want to know.
Anyway, to get back on task, I am sticking with the plan today. We are going back to Day 1. I am adding in a lesson on how to put books on a bookshelf. We are going to be practicing that.
I only had to remind one kid one time to hang up a towel, and one other kid to flush. After each offense, we just sang our song and practiced some more. When I am focused on the training the kids do so much better. If I get distracted and start doing something else, they are off as well and it is hard to bring them back.
So, LittleK is feeling better, and I'm just tired, but today is full of the Lords favor and blessing and presence. I am going to walk in that! Have a great day!
It was a disaster. I mean, we did very little of the fun, sweet, cute games that I had planned, and I did a lot of getting frustrated and yelling. So, I get the bad mom award for the day! I ended up trying to get some "work" done around the house. For some closure for me, I wanted to get the crib out of the boys' room, seeing as BabyJ won't be coming home to us until he is over 2. That was probably too emotional of a chore for me to do. Also, we are having a bazaar at church to raise money to put in a nursery, and we are supposed to take stuff to donate for them to sell. I thought, for boot camp, I'll just put the kids to work helping me sort though stuff, etc! Bad idea number two. The kids were WAY more interested in playing with the stuff that I was trying to get rid of. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was irritated, and the kids were, too. BoyD had to rehang up his pants on hangers like 4 times because he would just stop working and sit there and stare into space. So, I would take all the pants he had hung up so far and take them back off, saying he needed practice. Boy, the games from Day 1 worked so much better.
But, God is so gracious and His mercies are new every morning and I get to start over today! I got to tie some strings with my kiddos last night and apologize for yelling at my daughter when she kept trying to pack "goodie" bags with (what I consider) trash for street children. I kept telling her that we don't know any street children, and even if we did, they wouldn't want old wipes and chewed up toys in an old bottle carrier! Oh, the shame. Now, let me say that even though her heart is SUPER big and she was trying super hard to be thoughtful, I had told her to throw that stuff away! Ok...I digress. There is no excuse for ever yelling at my kids...unless they are about to run in front of a car or something...but that wasn't what was going on. Oh, how I wish I was that mother that never yelled at her kids. Is there such a mother? Maybe I don't want to know.
Anyway, to get back on task, I am sticking with the plan today. We are going back to Day 1. I am adding in a lesson on how to put books on a bookshelf. We are going to be practicing that.
I only had to remind one kid one time to hang up a towel, and one other kid to flush. After each offense, we just sang our song and practiced some more. When I am focused on the training the kids do so much better. If I get distracted and start doing something else, they are off as well and it is hard to bring them back.
So, LittleK is feeling better, and I'm just tired, but today is full of the Lords favor and blessing and presence. I am going to walk in that! Have a great day!
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp: Day 2
Well, Day 1 of the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp went much better than I expected. We didn't get to everything because LittleK and I are both sort of sick. Well, LittleK is very sick with throat infection (we actually took him to the doctor) and I am sick with a cold or something that makes me feel pretty crappy, but not bad enough to stay in bed. Plus, we had a surprise visitor which was so much fun, but sort of threw us off our schedule. And, it gave the kids excellent practice with polite greetings! Those kind of interruptions aren't all that unusual for us anyway.
So, all that to say, the kids were very helpful, enjoyed the games, and generally had great attitudes about everything. I even had kids washing clothes (extra work) without me asking. I was a little lazy this afternoon seeing as I felt pretty crummy, so they started to get lazy, too.
So, Day 2 is going to be a repeat of Day 1, except that we will be having the Quiet Game for 3, 4, then 5 minutes. We will be practicing way more of the Code Word Calling game, as they had fun with that.
Please pray that LittleK and I feel better today, as it makes it less fun when there are fevers. Plus today is busy with dentist appointments, errands, etc.
Hopefully I'll feel better and I can give a more detailed report. But either way, I'll let you know how it goes!
So, all that to say, the kids were very helpful, enjoyed the games, and generally had great attitudes about everything. I even had kids washing clothes (extra work) without me asking. I was a little lazy this afternoon seeing as I felt pretty crummy, so they started to get lazy, too.
So, Day 2 is going to be a repeat of Day 1, except that we will be having the Quiet Game for 3, 4, then 5 minutes. We will be practicing way more of the Code Word Calling game, as they had fun with that.
Please pray that LittleK and I feel better today, as it makes it less fun when there are fevers. Plus today is busy with dentist appointments, errands, etc.
Hopefully I'll feel better and I can give a more detailed report. But either way, I'll let you know how it goes!
Monday, March 24, 2014
Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp: Day 1
Good Morning! We are ready for this. If you want to know more about the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp, then head on over to yesterday's post for an explanation. The kids have known about it for at least a week, so today is the big day. We practiced our morning routine last night, giving each child a chance to act out what they have to do.
They are to wake up, make bed, get dressed, and put away PJs. Easy, right? Um...we'll see. I'll let you know how that goes. :) If it doesn't go well, no biggie, we are just going to practice it several times.
Then we will do breakfast. Breakfast is where we will continue to train on manners, explaining all the things I listed in yesterday's post about table manners. We will obviously be enforcing the manners each time we eat.
Next is the Bathroom song! Thanks to hubby, we have made a poster and a song that I will teach the kids.
We are going to the bathroom and we are going to sing our hearts out in all different voices...singing like a British woman, singing like a gruff man, singing like an opera singer, singing like robots, singing like a country star...all the while giving each kid a turn to practice. Anytime a child enters the bathroom for the next week, they will have to sing this song loud enough for all to hear. (The "wipe" in the song, by the way, is to wipe any missed pee off the rim of the toilet!)
Code Word Calling: This is a sort of game where the kids will pick a code word. When they hear the code word from me, they will come running to my side. I will use this code word at various times through the day, giving a sticker to each child that comes to my side immediately. This kind of training has worked for us in the past, we just got lax on it.
Next we will take a minute (literally) to practice sitting still and quiet. I will have stickers in my apron pocket and we will time the kids sitting still and quiet for 60 seconds. Just for now, we will call this our Quiet Game. Next time we play it, the kids will sit for 2 minutes. Then 3. That is all for today. Tomorrow we will work it up to 4, 5, and 6 minutes, all the way to 15 minutes on Friday. So, if one of them talks during the minute, we start over. When the time is up, they get a sticker.
Next will be a timed race called "TIME TO GO!" (you have to holler the name of the game...not just say it.) The kids will be racing against themselves, I will time them, but they won't be competing against each other. So here is the premise. They will be barefoot and playing and I will yell "TIME TO GO!" and that is like a secret code phrase that means they are to rush as fast as they can, put on socks and shoes (God forbid I say that in the wrong order around here and say "shoes and socks" cause socks MUST go first! haha!) and grab Pink Piggy in the case of LittleK, and rush to stand by the front door. We will do that race several times to try to get the fastest time possible. We will be doing this a couple times each day.
By this time, we will need a break, so we will be having Tea With the Queen of England. This is basically a tea party with real tea and cookies, where we will be practicing our table manners again. Napkins in laps and everything. But before the fun can begin, we will be practicing and role playing proper greetings both in English and in Spanish. Practicing looking in the eye, speaking clearly, all that jazz. Then comes the fun of cleaning it all up.
We will then do another round of the the Quiet Game for 2 minutes.
The Interrupting Game is another role playing game where we will take turns learning how and when to (or not to) interrupt. Like practicing saying "excuse me," etc. My mom taught me a couple of hand signals to use when a kid is interrupting...Hold up a finger for wait here, fold your fingers over your other hand for go sit down, letting the child know what they need to do. I will first explain the signals, then we will practice them, letting each kid be the adult. I will of course have to start using those signals around the house with them.
The next game is going to be the Messy Scavenger. I'm going to place messes throughout the house (piles of clothes, piles of toys, books dumped over, but all mixed up) and the kids are going to have to work together to pick up the mess as fast as possible. Once the mess is cleaned up, they can run to me (as a team) and get a clue as to where then next mess will be. Once all the messes are cleaned up, they get a treat! Probably a sucker, depending on how close we are to lunch at this point.
After that we will play "TIME TO GO!" again, just to review. :)
Lunch will be another practice with manners, as well as cleaning the kitchen. While waiting for lunch to be ready, we will play the Quiet Game again, this time for 3 minutes.
After lunch, we will just review any games or things that the kids had trouble with in the morning. We will for sure play Code Word Calling and our Bathroom Song several more times.
Then tonight at bath time, we will just practice and enforce picking up the bathroom after a bath, as well as hanging up towel. We won't really have a game for this or morning routines, just being intentional about doing it correctly every night/morning.
Suggestions? Ideas? Thoughts? Love to hear them!
They are to wake up, make bed, get dressed, and put away PJs. Easy, right? Um...we'll see. I'll let you know how that goes. :) If it doesn't go well, no biggie, we are just going to practice it several times.
Then we will do breakfast. Breakfast is where we will continue to train on manners, explaining all the things I listed in yesterday's post about table manners. We will obviously be enforcing the manners each time we eat.
Next is the Bathroom song! Thanks to hubby, we have made a poster and a song that I will teach the kids.
The Bathroom Song
(sung to the tune of Row, Row, Row your Boat)
Potty, Wipe, Close and Flush
All Because we're Big!
Wash and Dry and Clean Things Up,
Because I'm not a PIG!
Code Word Calling: This is a sort of game where the kids will pick a code word. When they hear the code word from me, they will come running to my side. I will use this code word at various times through the day, giving a sticker to each child that comes to my side immediately. This kind of training has worked for us in the past, we just got lax on it.
Next we will take a minute (literally) to practice sitting still and quiet. I will have stickers in my apron pocket and we will time the kids sitting still and quiet for 60 seconds. Just for now, we will call this our Quiet Game. Next time we play it, the kids will sit for 2 minutes. Then 3. That is all for today. Tomorrow we will work it up to 4, 5, and 6 minutes, all the way to 15 minutes on Friday. So, if one of them talks during the minute, we start over. When the time is up, they get a sticker.
Next will be a timed race called "TIME TO GO!" (you have to holler the name of the game...not just say it.) The kids will be racing against themselves, I will time them, but they won't be competing against each other. So here is the premise. They will be barefoot and playing and I will yell "TIME TO GO!" and that is like a secret code phrase that means they are to rush as fast as they can, put on socks and shoes (God forbid I say that in the wrong order around here and say "shoes and socks" cause socks MUST go first! haha!) and grab Pink Piggy in the case of LittleK, and rush to stand by the front door. We will do that race several times to try to get the fastest time possible. We will be doing this a couple times each day.
By this time, we will need a break, so we will be having Tea With the Queen of England. This is basically a tea party with real tea and cookies, where we will be practicing our table manners again. Napkins in laps and everything. But before the fun can begin, we will be practicing and role playing proper greetings both in English and in Spanish. Practicing looking in the eye, speaking clearly, all that jazz. Then comes the fun of cleaning it all up.
We will then do another round of the the Quiet Game for 2 minutes.
The Interrupting Game is another role playing game where we will take turns learning how and when to (or not to) interrupt. Like practicing saying "excuse me," etc. My mom taught me a couple of hand signals to use when a kid is interrupting...Hold up a finger for wait here, fold your fingers over your other hand for go sit down, letting the child know what they need to do. I will first explain the signals, then we will practice them, letting each kid be the adult. I will of course have to start using those signals around the house with them.
The next game is going to be the Messy Scavenger. I'm going to place messes throughout the house (piles of clothes, piles of toys, books dumped over, but all mixed up) and the kids are going to have to work together to pick up the mess as fast as possible. Once the mess is cleaned up, they can run to me (as a team) and get a clue as to where then next mess will be. Once all the messes are cleaned up, they get a treat! Probably a sucker, depending on how close we are to lunch at this point.
After that we will play "TIME TO GO!" again, just to review. :)
Lunch will be another practice with manners, as well as cleaning the kitchen. While waiting for lunch to be ready, we will play the Quiet Game again, this time for 3 minutes.
After lunch, we will just review any games or things that the kids had trouble with in the morning. We will for sure play Code Word Calling and our Bathroom Song several more times.
Then tonight at bath time, we will just practice and enforce picking up the bathroom after a bath, as well as hanging up towel. We won't really have a game for this or morning routines, just being intentional about doing it correctly every night/morning.
Suggestions? Ideas? Thoughts? Love to hear them!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp: The beginning
So, the back story. A little while ago, we had some friends over for dinner. We often have friends over for dinner, but this particular evening must be set apart. This particular night, our children morphed into monsters. They made faces at the guests, the wouldn't greet anyone, they rolled their eyes and whined when told "no," they crumpled up their noses at the food that was served, they interrupted throughout the entire evening, they yelled and screamed up stairs, they destroyed their bedrooms, disobeyed by playing in our room, had no table manners, wouldn't say goodbye, and basically revealed every area of training that we had neglected over the last few years. That night, after putting the little terrors to sleep, Brandon and I decided something. Things were going to change.
Let me clarify something: Our kids do not always behave this way. They rarely do it all at the same time, on the same day. They are not always terrors. Generally, I enjoy being around my kids. This night did reveal, though, the areas that we had been just a little too lax on, too permissive, too inconsistent. That night revealed more about our parenting than it did about our children. And that is a hard pill to swallow. Thus was born the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp.
What is the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp? Well, boot camp in the military is a sort of initiation to life in the military, with strict discipline, hard work, breaking down the recruit in order that they can be rebuilt into the soldier that the military wants. For exercising, boot camp is an intense period of super hard, concentrated work, geared to jump start a new way of life. To basically teach the trainee that they can accomplish what they never knew they could accomplish. Our boot camp is going to be similar. We are done having to call a child 10 times to the dinner table. We are done begging the children to get their shoes on when it is time to go. I am done nagging the kids to flush the toilet or to pick the hand towel off the ground. We are done with instructing the kids to pick up a mess, only to find them 30 minutes later playing with said mess, actually making it worse.
There are many things that my kids need to learn in order to make them responsible human beings. There are more things than I could possibly put down in a little checklist. This week isn't about cramming in all life lessons a child needs to know. Just as boot camp for a soldier doesn't teach him all he needs to know to do his job in the armed forces. The general goal of this boot camp is to get my children into shape! To get them to a place where continued training can happen with a solid base of good habits. One thing I've learned in many years of working with children, is that if you want kids to do a task correctly, they must practice, practice, practice. If I want my kids to be able to go to a restaurant and have an enjoyable meal, we must practice manners at home, waiting patiently, etc. This is the essence of our boot camp.
So this week, we are forgoing normal homeschool, and we will be practicing a series of skills that my children obviously need to know. It takes 21 days to make a habit, so this week alone won't do it. But after this week, my kids will know what to do, how to do it, and will have practiced each skill over and over and over again. Sounds like a good starting point, right?
What will we be teaching this week, you ask? Here is a list of the specific skills that we will be working on this week. Each day, I will post the daily plan, complete with games and a schedule that we will attempt to use to practice the skills.
1. Table Manners: Keeping bottoms in chairs.
Using napkins (not shirts!)
Using utensils (not fingers!)
How to pass food.
Speaking at the table: taking turns, no interrupting,
no ugly words, inside voices
How to deal with food you don't like.
Being excused from the table
Clearing the table after dinner
2. Bathroom etiquette: Clean of rim of toilet (for boys)
Closing the lid and flushing!
Hand washing and keeping sink/counter dry
Hanging up towels after use (hand and bath)
Picking up after bath
3.Bedroom: Making bed
Keeping floor picked up
Habit of picking up toys after use
How to keep books on bookshelf
(upright with spines out)
4. General Etiquette: How to greet an adult
(greetings in Guatemala are very important)
How to answer questions from an adult
Yes Ma'am and yes sir, etc
(they do this with us, but not as much with others)
Picture posing.
(My children do NOT know how to sit still for a photo!)
5. General Obedience: IMMEDIATELY coming when called.
Getting ready to leave the house
bed time / morning routines
Following a list of instructions w/o getting distracted
Working up to 15 minutes of sitting quiet/still
Many of you will see this list and think "WHAT! Your children don't do those things already?", and many of you will think "WHAT! You are expecting WAY too much out of your kids!" Let me also say that we have taught all of those things at one time or another. It just didn't really stick. So basically, we have been inconsistent at best. There are also a lot chores that we will be working on, but I don't want to add more than I can manage in one week, so we will be working more with chores after we get a handle on these basic things. Our kids are already pretty helpful with dishes and laundry. We have a maid, so figuring out how to work in regular cleaning will be more of a challenge, although I know our kids need to know how to scrub a bathroom. I am reading a book right now that I will be talking about later in regards to chores. And, thanks to many of you on facebook, I am putting together a comprehensive list of what a responsible child should know, and I hope to begin working through that list soon! Give me a couple of days and I'll post that list.
So, for this Sunday, we are going to be sorting laundry, practicing our bedtime routine and morning routine (just role playing it and doing it over and over again), the kids are making their own dinner (PB&J sandwiches) and then cleaning the kitchen.
Look for Boot Camp Schedule Day 1 on Monday morning! I'll let you know how it goes!
Let me clarify something: Our kids do not always behave this way. They rarely do it all at the same time, on the same day. They are not always terrors. Generally, I enjoy being around my kids. This night did reveal, though, the areas that we had been just a little too lax on, too permissive, too inconsistent. That night revealed more about our parenting than it did about our children. And that is a hard pill to swallow. Thus was born the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp.
What is the Scott Family Responsible Child Boot Camp? Well, boot camp in the military is a sort of initiation to life in the military, with strict discipline, hard work, breaking down the recruit in order that they can be rebuilt into the soldier that the military wants. For exercising, boot camp is an intense period of super hard, concentrated work, geared to jump start a new way of life. To basically teach the trainee that they can accomplish what they never knew they could accomplish. Our boot camp is going to be similar. We are done having to call a child 10 times to the dinner table. We are done begging the children to get their shoes on when it is time to go. I am done nagging the kids to flush the toilet or to pick the hand towel off the ground. We are done with instructing the kids to pick up a mess, only to find them 30 minutes later playing with said mess, actually making it worse.
There are many things that my kids need to learn in order to make them responsible human beings. There are more things than I could possibly put down in a little checklist. This week isn't about cramming in all life lessons a child needs to know. Just as boot camp for a soldier doesn't teach him all he needs to know to do his job in the armed forces. The general goal of this boot camp is to get my children into shape! To get them to a place where continued training can happen with a solid base of good habits. One thing I've learned in many years of working with children, is that if you want kids to do a task correctly, they must practice, practice, practice. If I want my kids to be able to go to a restaurant and have an enjoyable meal, we must practice manners at home, waiting patiently, etc. This is the essence of our boot camp.
So this week, we are forgoing normal homeschool, and we will be practicing a series of skills that my children obviously need to know. It takes 21 days to make a habit, so this week alone won't do it. But after this week, my kids will know what to do, how to do it, and will have practiced each skill over and over and over again. Sounds like a good starting point, right?
What will we be teaching this week, you ask? Here is a list of the specific skills that we will be working on this week. Each day, I will post the daily plan, complete with games and a schedule that we will attempt to use to practice the skills.
1. Table Manners: Keeping bottoms in chairs.
Using napkins (not shirts!)
Using utensils (not fingers!)
How to pass food.
Speaking at the table: taking turns, no interrupting,
no ugly words, inside voices
How to deal with food you don't like.
Being excused from the table
Clearing the table after dinner
2. Bathroom etiquette: Clean of rim of toilet (for boys)
Closing the lid and flushing!
Hand washing and keeping sink/counter dry
Hanging up towels after use (hand and bath)
Picking up after bath
3.Bedroom: Making bed
Keeping floor picked up
Habit of picking up toys after use
How to keep books on bookshelf
(upright with spines out)
4. General Etiquette: How to greet an adult
(greetings in Guatemala are very important)
How to answer questions from an adult
Yes Ma'am and yes sir, etc
(they do this with us, but not as much with others)
Picture posing.
(My children do NOT know how to sit still for a photo!)
5. General Obedience: IMMEDIATELY coming when called.
Getting ready to leave the house
bed time / morning routines
Following a list of instructions w/o getting distracted
Working up to 15 minutes of sitting quiet/still
Many of you will see this list and think "WHAT! Your children don't do those things already?", and many of you will think "WHAT! You are expecting WAY too much out of your kids!" Let me also say that we have taught all of those things at one time or another. It just didn't really stick. So basically, we have been inconsistent at best. There are also a lot chores that we will be working on, but I don't want to add more than I can manage in one week, so we will be working more with chores after we get a handle on these basic things. Our kids are already pretty helpful with dishes and laundry. We have a maid, so figuring out how to work in regular cleaning will be more of a challenge, although I know our kids need to know how to scrub a bathroom. I am reading a book right now that I will be talking about later in regards to chores. And, thanks to many of you on facebook, I am putting together a comprehensive list of what a responsible child should know, and I hope to begin working through that list soon! Give me a couple of days and I'll post that list.
So, for this Sunday, we are going to be sorting laundry, practicing our bedtime routine and morning routine (just role playing it and doing it over and over again), the kids are making their own dinner (PB&J sandwiches) and then cleaning the kitchen.
Look for Boot Camp Schedule Day 1 on Monday morning! I'll let you know how it goes!
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
What do DO???
As some of you know, I pretty much feel a steady pull or drive to do something about all the hurting, suffering, lost situations around me. I just want to move to remote parts of the earth and teach un-reached people about our Savior. I want to open a home for abandoned or malnourished babies, or maybe a transition home for girls who are leaving the orphanage. i want to walk the streets and take hot meals and the Lord's love to all the people begging on the streets. I want to open up a training facility for moms where they can learn skills and the Word of God and get encouragement and fellowship
But, I can't right now. I can't do those things. So my question for the Lord is always, "Why are you giving me these ideas and desires and this longing when I can't do anything! Where are you leading me? What DO you want me to DO?"
In searching the Scriptures yesterday, I believe he has shown me what I need to do.
Let's look at Psalm 37:3-7
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of you heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him"
There it is,clear as day. What I'm supposed to do. I am to
1. Trust in the Lord and do good.
2. Delight in the Lord
3. Commit my way to Him
4. Be still and wait patiently for Him
Wow. So that is what I'm gonna do. That should keep me busy for a while. ;)
But, I can't right now. I can't do those things. So my question for the Lord is always, "Why are you giving me these ideas and desires and this longing when I can't do anything! Where are you leading me? What DO you want me to DO?"
In searching the Scriptures yesterday, I believe he has shown me what I need to do.
Let's look at Psalm 37:3-7
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of you heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him"
There it is,clear as day. What I'm supposed to do. I am to
1. Trust in the Lord and do good.
2. Delight in the Lord
3. Commit my way to Him
4. Be still and wait patiently for Him
Wow. So that is what I'm gonna do. That should keep me busy for a while. ;)
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Better Me Monday...or Tuesday!
It is time for my February goal update! (Just in case there is anyone who cares! haha!) I recently had some time to evaluate my life a little bit. I realized, not for the first time, how incredibly task oriented I am. I am really driven by my to-do list. The huge problem with this is that I tend to make my to-do list an idol. I really don't like that about myself. The Lord is really working on me in this area and in doing so is freeing me from my people pleasing, workaholic, performance driven tendencies. This is painful for me, but God is so good and faithful in my life. I am so thankful for the opportunity to repent and be healed! Praise Him! Anyway, so during this little retreat, I made a to-be list instead of my typical to-do list. And then I evaluated my goals for this year in light of that to-be list. Here is what has come out of that:
My To-Be list: (in no particular order)
1. I desire to be an excellent manager of our home
2. I desire to be a woman totally dependent on the Father as evidenced by having the mind of Christ
3. I desire to be an attentive, patient, and wise mommy
4. I desire to be HUMBLE
5. I desire to be an available servant of the Most High and a minister of the whole gospel as He leads.
Now, it seems that I have things on my goals list that may or may not have anything to do with accomplishing those "to-be's" and so I think they need to be revised.
Personal Goals:
1.Write 3 blogs a week. This is an ambitious one. I want to write a personal blog, a ministry blog, and an adoption blog every week. Well, This was definitely too ambitious and as it turns out really doesn't accomplish anything on my to-be list. Not saying that writing blogs isn't a good thing, or even a great thing, but when it comes to my list of priorities, I only have time for so much. At least for now, I'm gonna try to pursue the best thing. So, I will write blogs as things happen that make me want to blog. I'm still gonna try to keep up some discipline in this regard, but this goal is gone.
2. Learn French. At least some French. We are going to be doing it as part of home school and it will be good for BabyJ who will be joining our family this summer (we think). Check - this one we're doing. Not as quickly as I would have liked, but I know some greetings, about the weather, and the names of some foods. :) I'm keeping this on as I really believe that it helps to accomplish goal number 3 for our newest son, BabyJ.
3.Read 2 non-fiction books a month. Later I will be listing those books. So excited about this one. So far I've read 2 this year and am working on number 3. I'm gonna change this goal to a goal of reading certain books that will help me with my to-be list. Such as a couple of adoption books, christian non-fiction, etc. But I'm letting go of the number. That number actually looms over my head and discourages me.
4. Consistently get enough sleep. Sleep in when I can, go to bed early when I can, take naps when I can. I am a better wife and mommy if I have slept. I need to be a good steward of my body. I'm still trying really hard at this one. This is a non-negotiable. I am doing much better at this than I have ever done before.
Ministry Goals:
1.Set a curriculum for teaching sewing to the girls at the orphanage and get the two older kids involved there somehow. This one is done! Yeah! I found a couple of books in Spanish that I'm gonna use. I don't have to do much planning, now. This serves to-be number 5. I am going to continue to seek His wisdom as to the best way to play this out.
2. Home school the kids with consistency, attention, and pre-planned activities for LittleK to do. Less spontaneity in our schedule so I'm not frantic to get done by the end of the year. So far so good! I'm sticking to this much better this year and it helps that the curriculum is better for both BoyD and me, and although I'm not changing this goal, I do want to clarify it. I will do school, but I'm gonna lighten up about getting it all done every day. Having a brilliant son who doesn't want to work has caused more problems for me...actually, the problems are caused by my sinful nature, lack of patience, lack of wisdom on how to handle it. So I'm working on me in this regard. Better said, I'm stepping aside and asking the Lord to work on me a little bit. (To-be number 4)
3.Get out b-day and anniversary cards each month. Whew. We're just totally taking this one off. I've failed at it already and I realize that this doesn't directly relate to my to-be list at this time. This his hard for me to let go of! I have perfect person syndrome! I want to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect friend. And I'm NOT, so I fail and feel like a failure. That is my pride, friends, rearing it's ugly head. YUCK! So, I'm gonna submit my imperfections to the Lord and thank Him for revealing them to me, and thanking Him for His grace that covers them, and I'm gonna walk in FREEDOM from perfection...as the Lord perfects me!
Family Goals:
1.Take each kid on a date 1 time each month. We don't have to spend $, we have to spend time. This is a very good goal that I've failed at. Brandon and I are changing this one up a bit...we are trying really hard to spend 10 minutes alone with each kid 2X/day. That is 1 hour a day with dedicated kid time. This is going really well.
2. Be a flirtier wife. :) Amen...going pretty well. I'm gonna keep this one intact!
Homemaking Goals:
1. Create and maintain a mending basket. A place where I keep all things to be repaired, and a time each week that I set aside for mending. Ok...I did get all the things to mend separated and on a visible shelf. So, I'm on target with this goal. I'm gonna keep it for the sake of to-be #1.
2.Have some homemade gifts on hand for surprise hostess/birthday/thank you gifts. This goal needs to be quantified a little bit. I loved this goal, but I'm striking it for now. It is a good thing, but not the best thing. Doesn't fit with my to-be list.
Social Goals: Both of these I'm keeping...they go to to-be numbers 1-5. Speaking of this, I need to call the girls and get them together! We even had our first Spanish couple's study and it was fun.
1. Meet once a month with my Gringa girl's Bible study for prayer and encouragement.
2. Have a Spanish couples Bible study weekly or bimonthly.
My To-Be list: (in no particular order)
1. I desire to be an excellent manager of our home
2. I desire to be a woman totally dependent on the Father as evidenced by having the mind of Christ
3. I desire to be an attentive, patient, and wise mommy
4. I desire to be HUMBLE
5. I desire to be an available servant of the Most High and a minister of the whole gospel as He leads.
Now, it seems that I have things on my goals list that may or may not have anything to do with accomplishing those "to-be's" and so I think they need to be revised.
Personal Goals:
1.
2. Learn French. At least some French. We are going to be doing it as part of home school and it will be good for BabyJ who will be joining our family this summer (we think). Check - this one we're doing. Not as quickly as I would have liked, but I know some greetings, about the weather, and the names of some foods. :) I'm keeping this on as I really believe that it helps to accomplish goal number 3 for our newest son, BabyJ.
3.
4. Consistently get enough sleep. Sleep in when I can, go to bed early when I can, take naps when I can. I am a better wife and mommy if I have slept. I need to be a good steward of my body. I'm still trying really hard at this one. This is a non-negotiable. I am doing much better at this than I have ever done before.
Ministry Goals:
1.
2. Home school the kids with consistency, attention, and pre-planned activities for LittleK to do. Less spontaneity in our schedule so I'm not frantic to get done by the end of the year. So far so good! I'm sticking to this much better this year and it helps that the curriculum is better for both BoyD and me, and although I'm not changing this goal, I do want to clarify it. I will do school, but I'm gonna lighten up about getting it all done every day. Having a brilliant son who doesn't want to work has caused more problems for me...actually, the problems are caused by my sinful nature, lack of patience, lack of wisdom on how to handle it. So I'm working on me in this regard. Better said, I'm stepping aside and asking the Lord to work on me a little bit. (To-be number 4)
3.
Family Goals:
1.
2. Be a flirtier wife. :) Amen...going pretty well. I'm gonna keep this one intact!
Homemaking Goals:
1. Create and maintain a mending basket. A place where I keep all things to be repaired, and a time each week that I set aside for mending. Ok...I did get all the things to mend separated and on a visible shelf. So, I'm on target with this goal. I'm gonna keep it for the sake of to-be #1.
2.
Social Goals: Both of these I'm keeping...they go to to-be numbers 1-5. Speaking of this, I need to call the girls and get them together! We even had our first Spanish couple's study and it was fun.
1. Meet once a month with my Gringa girl's Bible study for prayer and encouragement.
2. Have a Spanish couples Bible study weekly or bimonthly.
Friday, February 08, 2013
I'm Not a Very Good Homeschooler
Geez its hard to admit that. Really hard. I mean, I want to be good at it. I dream of being good at it. I have hopes that someday I will be good at it.
I don't know what to do with LittleK when I am trying to teach the other two. I don't know how to keep GirlM quiet while I'm doing math with BoyD. I don't know how to help BoyD get his work done with all the distractions. I don't know how to manage BoyD when he needs an explanation but I'm in the middle of a book with the little ones.
It is a little chaotic around here during the school day and I spend as much time disciplining as I do teaching! (Probably an exaggeration, but it feels that way!) I don't have oodles of patience and I'm not a laid back sort of mom. I also realize that my precious angel children are not always precious angels. :)
The reason for this blog post? Is it to discourage anyone from homeschooling? On the contrary. It is to say that I wouldn't give this up for any peace or order or structure in the world! And to say that if I can do it, ANYONE can! If this impatient, anal, perfectionist-but-never-getting-close-to-perfection mama can do it, you can, too.
And to tell you that it is worth it. To get to spend this time teaching, watching, interacting with, learning about, and discipling my children, is the greatest thing I will ever do. I will not miss their achievements or their failures. What a gift! Plus, I think the Bible says something about taking complete joy when you face trials of many kinds, because the testing produces endurance, and when this perseverance (endurance) finishes its work, I will lack nothing. Not even patience and order. :) Bring it on!
I don't know what to do with LittleK when I am trying to teach the other two. I don't know how to keep GirlM quiet while I'm doing math with BoyD. I don't know how to help BoyD get his work done with all the distractions. I don't know how to manage BoyD when he needs an explanation but I'm in the middle of a book with the little ones.
It is a little chaotic around here during the school day and I spend as much time disciplining as I do teaching! (Probably an exaggeration, but it feels that way!) I don't have oodles of patience and I'm not a laid back sort of mom. I also realize that my precious angel children are not always precious angels. :)
The reason for this blog post? Is it to discourage anyone from homeschooling? On the contrary. It is to say that I wouldn't give this up for any peace or order or structure in the world! And to say that if I can do it, ANYONE can! If this impatient, anal, perfectionist-but-never-getting-close-to-perfection mama can do it, you can, too.
And to tell you that it is worth it. To get to spend this time teaching, watching, interacting with, learning about, and discipling my children, is the greatest thing I will ever do. I will not miss their achievements or their failures. What a gift! Plus, I think the Bible says something about taking complete joy when you face trials of many kinds, because the testing produces endurance, and when this perseverance (endurance) finishes its work, I will lack nothing. Not even patience and order. :) Bring it on!
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Toy Storage! Help!
I hate toys. I mean, toys are cool, but I hate them. Specifically, I hate small toys or toys with small parts. I am a relatively organized person and I like everything to have its own special place. I like barbies to go together and little people farm stuff to go together, and stuffed toys to go together. We have a lot of little bins all over the place where the toys go. There are certain toys, though, that no matter how hard I try, no matter how routine we are, no matter how good my kids are at picking toys up, the end up ALL over my house! In the washing machine, in the dog food bowl, in the kitchen sink, under my bed, in my closet, ALL OVER MY HOUSE! I really, really hate that. The worst are all the parts and pieces to these little toys called Play Mobile. I have stepped on more little tiny guns or belts or cannon balls than any human being should have to endure. Oh, Little Green Army Men are also forming battle lines in every conceivable space. I literally feel under attack! For some reason, it is only boy toys that do this. Legos, action figures, tiny pistols.
I need some suggestions. I need some help. I need a SOLUTION! The only reasons we haven't thrown all these toys out is because they cost money and they are his favorite and because Brandon likes them! Haha!
We have the rule that one toy gets put up before another toy gets pulled out, and for the most part, they abide by that rule (I am ever vigilant!) The problem is while they are playing. Their imaginations take them all over the house and that means that their toys go that way, too.
Is it reasonable to forbid the lego bridge in the garden, or the German front line out of the playroom? Not sure.
Someone please help me with this loathing I have for toys. Maybe we should just strip down to the basics: balls, books, a doll for the girl, and a truck for each boy. Haha! Clean up would be SO much easier!
I need some suggestions. I need some help. I need a SOLUTION! The only reasons we haven't thrown all these toys out is because they cost money and they are his favorite and because Brandon likes them! Haha!
We have the rule that one toy gets put up before another toy gets pulled out, and for the most part, they abide by that rule (I am ever vigilant!) The problem is while they are playing. Their imaginations take them all over the house and that means that their toys go that way, too.
Is it reasonable to forbid the lego bridge in the garden, or the German front line out of the playroom? Not sure.
Someone please help me with this loathing I have for toys. Maybe we should just strip down to the basics: balls, books, a doll for the girl, and a truck for each boy. Haha! Clean up would be SO much easier!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Adoption: before the foundations of the earth...
I am a gentile. I am not Jewish. I am adopted into the family of God through the work of Jesus Christ. Did God settle when he adopted me? Did he adopt me simply because His natural children rejected Him? Was my adoption plan B for the Creator of the universe? And then, is my identity less of God's child than a Jew? Like, I'm not His "real" daughter...just an adopted one.
Or...did He know of me before He created the foundations of the earth? Did He have a plan to bring me into peace with Him from before the beginning? The answer, of course, is YES! My adoption into God's family was part of how God made His family! I am co-heirs with Christ! I am a TRUE, REAL, BONA FIDE daughter of the King!
When we tell people that we are adopting our 4th child, sometimes people ask if D,M and K are our real children...or "can you not have kids?" I don't mind those questions. People are curious, and that is normal. It is actually a really good time for me to explain our reason's for adopting BabyJ.
It is interesting, though. And the truth of the matter is that adoption is part of God's plan for humanity. He has been adopting almost from the beginning! His own Son was adopted! :) And He chose BabyJ to be part of our family before he was even knit together in his birth mother's womb. We aren't God's second choice for BabyJ just as BabyJ isn't our back up plan. He isn't anything but our "real" child. It is cool to think of that!
And, for those of you that don't have much experience with adoption, let me give you a small piece of advice. Don't ask people if their child is their "real" child. That implies something that you may not mean to imply. Instead ask if they are their biological children. This isn't political correctness, it is about being factual and precise with your language. And if you want to know why they chose adoption, just simply ask that: "Why did you choose adoption?" You might want to avoid assuming things. We all do that too often, anyway! :)
So, if you are a Gentile Christian, relish in the fact that you were adopted into His family, and that you are His REAL child! And maybe consider how God might be calling you to testify to that adoption!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
All the anticipation of a new baby!
So we are done birthing children. Have I mentioned that before? I mean, as far as we can tell, we are done. I don't want to birth any more children. This is one of the mountain of reasons why we chose adoption. I have done the pregnancy thing several times now, and it was wonderful and magical and all that jazz, but my wedding was wonderful, too and I'm not gonna do that again either.
One of the more difficult parts as well as one of the more fun parts of pregnancy is the anticipation. Once you find out you're pregnant the first thing you do is calculate your due date. Then you start anticipating your first sonogram...will you see the heartbeat? How many are there? etc. Then, if you of the more modern type and want to find out the sex, you have to wait a WHOLE 19 weeks or so to find out if you are having a boy or a girl. You just desperately want to buy some pink or blue, but you feel like you must wait until you know! Then after that, the only thing to wait for is the babe to come. I mean, you may have to wait on your furniture to arrive or your custom bedding to be made or you have to wait for the baby shower and stuff, but there seems to be a long time just waiting for the baby to come.
It is pretty remarkable how similar this part of adoption is to that part of pregnancy. I mean, we started this process and I just wanted to get some basic info...what country, how much, how long, etc. Then we did all the paperwork and we were waiting on a referral...what are we going to get? Who would our child be? boy or girl? special needs? how old?
Then the call came..."its a boy!" Oh, that was very exciting. Then we spent hours looking stuff up online and just staring at his picture. It was such a joy to get to share his photo with friends and family! (we wish we could share his photo here, but for his own security, we aren't allowed to yet.)
Now we are waiting again. During these long months there are days that all we can think of if LittleJ. We are planning trips and wondering if he'll be with us or not. We rearranged the boys' room and planned where we would store his clothes. Then there are days when we just don't think about it that much. The children that we have demand our attention, or we have to travel, or whatever. Just like those days when I was pregnant. I would have days where I hardly noticed the little one doing somersaults in my gut, and other days that I had trouble doing anything else.
So, even though I'm not pregnant, I feel all the anticipation of a new baby. I pray for LittleJ daily, and lately the anticipation has been high. And boy, is it exciting!
Monday, January 14, 2013
What My Kids Need From Me
It has caused me to think through what it is that my kids need from me. What kind of mother should I be to minister to them; to their spirit, their character, their personalities. I wanted to briefly share what it is that my kids need and then ask you to do the same. Even if you don't want to post here a response, I would ask that you consider the question.
First let me say that BoyD is 7, GirlM is 5, LittleK is (almost) 3, and BabyJ is 7 months and in the Congo.
BoyD needs me to be free to listen. Needs me to not be focused on work, or getting through schoolwork, or making dinner. He needs me to hear his stories and his ideas and then help him realize them. He needs to not hear criticism, and he needs the freedom to be wrong. He also needs a lot of hugs.
GirlM needs me to play with her on the floor. She needs me to put on a crown and a pretty dress and be the "queen" so that she can be a real princess. She needs me to teach her to make a sandwich and to teach her how to put doll clothes on her tiny baby. She also needs to know how important she is in this family and to me. Oh, and hugs.
LittleK needs supervision! haha! And he needs constructive direction. He needs me to read books to him and to play sing-song games with him. He also needs lots of hugs. Oh, and he needs consistent discipline. He needs me to never be to busy to redirect, correct, or punish.
BabyJ needs me to pray for him. He needs things that only others can provide. He needs me to be in serious intercession for him. And he probably needs hugs that I can't give him yet. No worries...I'll make up for it when I get him.
So...can you share what your kids need? It is a fun and convicting exercise.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Adoption Update: The Arrest Record
Hey folks. We get questions periodically regarding the adoption process, and some things have happened and I thought I should update. Just a brief history in case you don't have a clue what is going on.
We are in the process of adopting BabyJ from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. If you want to know more about that process or where we are in it, please check out Help the Scotts Adopt, our adoption website. Brandon has kept that up to date and you can get all kinds of info there.
So, we get a letter sent to my mom's house from the USCIS (the government body responsible for granting a visa to our adopted child and approving us to adopt internationally) that says that they can't complete our request until they receive some paper work. What they need is an arrest record.
You see, Brandon was arrested when he was in high school. He was 17 and we out in the middle of the night with some friends. They decided it would be a good idea to steal a flag that was hanging outside of a model home. Well, they did it, and there just happened to be a police officer sitting in the dark watching the whole thing. He also had some fireworks (illegal) in his trunk as well as some sort of illegal weapon. So, he went to jail. He spent the night in jail and his parents had to come and get him out. No charges were filled, but he still has an arrest record. We had told this story to our social worker and the story went in our home study. We were advised by many that leaving something like that out is a sure way to get denied. The problem was that we didn't include the arrest record in the home study. Why the social worker didn't request it is unknown, but now everything with the USCIS is on hold until we can provide it. We also have to provide a written statement about the circumstances of the incident, any rehabilitation that took place, etc.
My job today is to call the Flower Mound police and our home study social worker to get all this worked out. You can pray about this for us!
Apart from this, we are waiting for a Congolese judge to make a judgement on whether or not we can adopt BabyJ. Pray for that, too, please. Our whole family is ready to get this little man home to us! :)
We are in the process of adopting BabyJ from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. If you want to know more about that process or where we are in it, please check out Help the Scotts Adopt, our adoption website. Brandon has kept that up to date and you can get all kinds of info there.
So, we get a letter sent to my mom's house from the USCIS (the government body responsible for granting a visa to our adopted child and approving us to adopt internationally) that says that they can't complete our request until they receive some paper work. What they need is an arrest record.
You see, Brandon was arrested when he was in high school. He was 17 and we out in the middle of the night with some friends. They decided it would be a good idea to steal a flag that was hanging outside of a model home. Well, they did it, and there just happened to be a police officer sitting in the dark watching the whole thing. He also had some fireworks (illegal) in his trunk as well as some sort of illegal weapon. So, he went to jail. He spent the night in jail and his parents had to come and get him out. No charges were filled, but he still has an arrest record. We had told this story to our social worker and the story went in our home study. We were advised by many that leaving something like that out is a sure way to get denied. The problem was that we didn't include the arrest record in the home study. Why the social worker didn't request it is unknown, but now everything with the USCIS is on hold until we can provide it. We also have to provide a written statement about the circumstances of the incident, any rehabilitation that took place, etc.
My job today is to call the Flower Mound police and our home study social worker to get all this worked out. You can pray about this for us!
Apart from this, we are waiting for a Congolese judge to make a judgement on whether or not we can adopt BabyJ. Pray for that, too, please. Our whole family is ready to get this little man home to us! :)
Monday, January 07, 2013
Better Me Monday
A New Year!! Yeah! I love new beginnings. I love mornings because I feel like I have a fresh new day in front of me. I love Mondays (I know not really the first day of the week) because I feel like I get to start again checking items off my to-do lists. I love flipping the calendar over to a fresh new month and filling everything in. And I LOVE starting a new year! Feeling like the past doesn't hold me, that I can do things better, different, do it how I want it done!
In the spirit of newness, I am beginning a new series called Better Me Mondays (or BMMs). Mostly this will be a time when I write out my monthly goals, challenges, etc. God is growing me (Praise Him) and I want to document here a little of what He is doing.
So for my first BMM, I want to write out my goals for this new year. I don't like the term "resolutions." I guess it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I prefer goals. So...today I will write my yearly goals and each month I want to post my monthly goals as a sort of report on how I'm accomplishing these yearly goals.
Let me also say the following: I had been aching to take the time with the Lord to go through and think and pray through what I wanted 2013 to be like. I had my first REAL alone time with Him a couple of days ago and as I sat and wrote out all of the things that I wanted to do/be, I was feeling both very satisfied with myself and a little overwhelmed! Then I opened my devotionals for the day and God put it all in perspective for me.
In John 13, we see Peter telling Jesus "I will lay down my life for you!" Quite the resolution, wouldn't you say? Jesus then informs him that he will deny him 3 times before the rooster crows. That had to have been disappointing to hear. I wonder if Peter believed Him. This was before Peter was given the Holy Spirit (that came at Pentecost) and all of his effort to keep that goal would be in his own power.
Then I read in My Utmost For His Highest: "All our promises and resolutions end in denial because we have no power (in ourselves) to accomplish them....There is now only One who directs the course of your life, the Lord Jesus Christ."
Then in Jesus Calling the author writes "True dependence is not simply asking (Him) to bless what (I've) decided to do. It is coming to (Him) with an open mind and heart, inviting (Him) to plant His desires within (Me)."
So...I was super convicted! All of these plans belong to the Lord and are for His glory. If nothing else happens, if none of my plans succeed, my #1 goal for 2013 is to RELY ON JESUS. More on that another day.
Let's dig in (these are in no particular order):
Personal Goals:
1. Write 3 blogs a week. This is an ambitious one. I want to write a personal blog, a ministry blog, and an adoption blog every week.
2. Learn French. At least some French. We are going to be doing it as part of home school and it will be good for BabyJ who will be joining our family this summer (we think).
3. Read 2 non-fiction books a month. Later I will be listing those books. So excited about this one.
4. Consistently get enough sleep. Sleep in when I can, go to bed early when I can, take naps when I can. I am a better wife and mommy if I have slept. I need to be a good steward of my body.
Ministry Goals:
1. Set a curriculum for teaching sewing to the girls at the orphanage and get the two older kids involved there somehow.
2. Home school the kids with consistency, attention, and pre-planned activities for LittleK to do. Less spontaneity in our schedule so I'm not frantic to get done by the end of the year.
3. Get out b-day and anniversary cards each month. Whew.
Family Goals:
1. Take each kid on a date 1 time each month. We don't have to spend $, we have to spend time.
2. Be a flirtier wife. :)
Homemaking Goals:
1. Create and maintain a mending basket. A place where I keep all things to be repaired, and a time each week that I set aside for mending.
2. Have some homemade gifts on hand for surprise hostess/birthday/thank you gifts. This goal needs to be quantified a little bit.
Social Goals:
1. Meet once a month with my Gringa girl's Bible study for prayer and encouragement.
2. Have a Spanish couples Bible study weekly or bimonthly.
Ok. That about sums it up. Keep me accountable, folks! I'll let you all know how it goes.
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