Ok...our stuff that we shipped from the US got here yesterday morning! I am just more than excited. The strange thing is, I was pretty settled with the simpleness of our lives. (very few decorations, crappy pots and pans, only a pack'n'play for Deacon, only a laptop) Now, we have so much stuff...documents, and CDs and boxes and boxes of books, and, and, and. I guess I just have this sense of uneasiness. Probably in part b/c we have so much to unpack and really not a lot of places to put stuff. It sort of sounds like I'm complaining. The other missionary couple here (the Coreanos) had their shipment lost - can you imagine, personal things that can't be replaced- and so I am soooo grateful to have all of these things to make this place more like "home". I just can't shake this feeling. Just sort of this tension...I guess it's just more "American" here now than it was before.
I read this thing on Joye Messerli's blog the other day about the difference between a humble and a proud person. I have to confess that I was shocked! I was amazed at how I had slowly slipped into a pattern of prideful behaviors! Prideful thinking! Of course no one says..."today I will begin a struggle with pride" but the enemy is so deft at gradual erosion. I guess it is one of those laws of physics...that everything, if left alone, eventually goes to disorder and death. Really that sums up my problem. I had left that area of my life alone. I wasn't vigilant to serve and pray for others and be humble. I mean, I have been reading my Bible, but even that was sort of about "me". Thanks Joye for that...the Lord used you to convict my spirit and in His mercy to repent. That being said...
In Ephesians it says that when we believed in Christ, we "were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance" (1:13-14)
The question on my heart is: How is my LIFE marked? What evidence is there of this in my life? Maybe you think about that question a lot, but it's been a while for me. Physical tangible evidence that I have the seal of the Holy Spirit. Is it in how I love my family, serve my husband when I want him to serve me, invest in my baby when I want to put him in front of a cartoon so I can get something done? Is it in looking for ways (creative or otherwise) to lift up and encourage my fellow missionaries? Is it in serving the women that I hire to help in my house? Maybe it is in trusting God to allow my son to be a part of the culture when my "instincts" say it's not safe. I will be thinking about this question for a bit.
This question for me can be pretty self-deprecating until I finish reading that passage in Ephesians where it says that we are God's possession "to the praise of His glory" Again, even this is not about me. Praise God!