Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A little follow up.

Well, Mike asked about a little follow up. If you want to know the original story, please read the previous blog post. I wanted to write quickly about how Gladys and Carmen are doing following the last week and a half. Gladys started back to work (bringing Carmen with her) on the Thursday following the baby's death. While at work we cry, laugh, chit chat, and reminisce. They are working fewer hours and are spending lots of time with friends.

Interestingly enough, they have not really had any friends, yet right now they are visiting or being visited by all these people! It is like all of a sudden they know that they are not alone...not solitary. Carmen (remember that she is 16) was visited a few days after the death by a group of teenage girls from a Pentecostal church nearby. They came in and told Carmen that they want her to hang out with them. They said that they don't understand the loss that she has experienced, nor do they have the life experience that she does, but they want her to come and spend time with them so that they can share the love of Jesus with her. They want her to know how much Jesus loves and cares about her. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!? A group of 15-17 yr. old girls going to the house of a teenage mother and reaching out to her. Not judging her, but being very clear about their love for her and their love for the Savior!!!

So, Carmen will be going to a slumber party on Sunday night, 2 weeks after the death of her daughter. I am so...I don't know...thrilled. Like...God is still on the throne or something! Like He might use this horrible, horrible, horrible tragedy to bring this suffering family under His wing.

I am doing fine. I have to cry a lot. When I think about the loss I cry. I weep. I try not to put myself in Carmen's shoes, but it is difficult not to. I hug my babies and thank God that He has not allowed me to suffer in this way. I get to nurse my child and wake up in the morning to his fusses and "da-da, ga-ga, ma-mas" I get to get frustrated at my almost 5 year old for not staying in bed at night. I get to startle when I see my 2 1/2 yr old figure out how to climb in and out of her crib by flinging herself over the railing. For now, I get to have them with me.

At times it just doesn't seem like life should keep going as if nothing has happened. I remember feeling this way when my father died. Like all of a sudden the shopping mall is swallowed up in a huge sink hole and everyone just keeps on driving by, walking by as if nothing has changed. As if there isn't a giant hole in the ground. People should notice. It just seems like they should stop and at least is missing from this world. Something was here that isn't, and it will never be the same again.

I realize that that is silly and illogical. People that didn't know Carlita won't miss her. Other people a country away won't feel the void that is left now that she is gone from this earth. I understand that. It just doesn't seem....right.

I will try to have a happier post next time. I hate this depressing crap. Let me say a couple of things...

God is good. He is working. He is changing me and transforming me, even if it is a very slow process. He is calling me to be more holy. To be more in love with Him. And I am answering His call. Glory to God!

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